Life in Nebraska ....

I'm in my tabernacle/Church/ place of worship/ sanctuary.  Turns out that I can "tell the world" I am an extrovert and I love people.  But actually no it's not completely accurate. Lately I find I can't worship well in the corporal worship service.  God keeps showing me that I must retreat away to this quiet place.   You can ask me how I find this out.  I don't mind.      It's because I have a special needs daughter and for all these years I worked so very very hard to get involved and get her help and do the next right thing.  I surrendered my idea and thought for the "good of the community".  I helped where I could.  I enjoyed it.  I do love my people. That's still a fact.      But this thing we carry in our family is something that we find is our own to carry.  It's lonely.  And being out and busy and dutiful and involved hasn't gained us answers or clarity.      ...

Of  late I lay in bed at night sleepless with some sort of running dialogue between God and I.      It's been usually something along the lines of, " Alright God, I choose to give you first dibs.  But do something! "          The thing I'm asking is no hardship for God.  Because he is all knowing and all powerful and all the divine. But how will I know if He's going to do it? Of course He can do it.  He's got the ability.  But with his all knowing eye WILL he?       So two things show up over and over in this go round in my head:  1, Can I trust Him? DO I trust God?  And 2, Hannah in the Bible.     I am a Hannah. I go over this prayer for Jeanie's healing over and over with words and mostly without words. And  Hannah did not stop asking  so shall I not stop asking .         I find myself humanly thinking that I will in some way move the ha...