February

      Winter has been hectic.  Very little snow.  But school days and business and responsibilities have been chasing me around.  My brother Ivan says to live more in the now.  I try Ivan, I do.  (she says while she blubbers into her tea).  But wouldn't it be great to quit going from one big event to the other? I think he means that I'm suppose to embrace those going from one event to the other as my life.  Mostly I do.
    About self discipline.  Because self discipline and all the events are related.  Schedules and getting it all done take self discipline.  And there in lies the problem.  I am always doing what needs to be done but wishing to do what wants to be done.  But since I can't do what I want to get done I end up doing neither to it's quality.  If you wondered....this is somewhat a self discipline problem but it is also a problem with trying to do life without divine input.
     Shame, condemnation and lack of self discipline all come from looking at my lack rather than looking at my Savior.  So run to Jesus.  When those things crawl up in my head I make new patterns and run to Jesus.  When I stay there I gain victories.  And then I can stay over in the victory part longer and better when I practice running to Jesus over and over rather than running to my not enoughness over and over.

     Matt and I turned 43 last week.  I'm super good with the forties.  I think we're probably the happiest we've ever been in our marriage.  We're gaining more solidness in a lot of areas.  Our kids are telling our story in how they play life out.  We sometimes hide in embarrassment but mostly I'm rather intrigued at their take on life.  I suppose they got it from us....  Common Sense and Personal Well Being are good doctrines.  Lots of people have lost those two good things but we're enjoying picking them up and using them.  They are gifts from God for sure!

     Our kids educations have been quite heart wrenching and eye opening and vulnerable.  From the oldest graduating in the spring( His high school credits and achievements have been especially rocky in that he enrolled at the church school and every single year he's been given a different hand) He's done a good job with all the crazy dynamics that happened and the disappointments and rejections and being around bad attitude.  He's coming into his own person.
       The two middle school boys have really gotten better at goals and neatness.  They're forming habits and ideas at a speed I wish I could keep up with better.  So glad God loves my kids more than even I do  and draws them.
       Jeanie is enjoying kindergarten at Centennial and definitely not an eye reader.   She will learn everything she really knows well through her ears.  I'm enjoying my research on Dyslexia and Dysgraphia immensely and it's such a relief to find so many things that resonate.  She will go far in life.  My goal is to give her the tools to relate her skills to people and relate her way of doing life to people intelligently.  She's scoring right with the kids on comprehension.  And her score on listening skills went up from 33% to 75%.  The school is taking a lot of time and effort to help her learn in her way.  Writing is basically impossible for her.  But she's my giggling and bossy sunshine and I absolutely love her!
        I use to come on here and philosophize.  For me.  It was a place to write that felt safe and good.  Then one day my good man was confronted with a piece I had written.  I had written something that wasn't well accepted.   I can laugh now.  But it did kind of ruin it for me here.    So I came away with several things.  What you write on a public site, is public.  But bigger yet, I learned that my words aren't that big a deal but they're mine and so they are important after all.  My sovereign creator knows me and loves me.  In that light my words are enough.  When you wake up everyday, thank God for your mind that thinks.  And then channel those thinks into the Phil. 4 verses and call it good enough!   So I enjoyed catching up here, but won't be back for another long time.  Ta Ta....