More February

They say opposites attract.....

 February is suppose to be a lovey  month.  See we even had all the right elements.  But alas, I still don't like February.  It's cold.  It's brown and ugly out.  Plus there are all the expectations of the love all around.  Needless to say I always wonder why it didn't hit our house.  Even the flowers and Latte's and Chocolates didn't press any of the right buttons.  Obviously I am not a card gift surprise type of person.   But I did find it interesting that when I went back over all my February pictures that I am blessed with lots of gifts every day.....and the most precious ones don't even include chocolates and roses!  Isn't that something.    The Latte though.  That rates up there pretty high!  The Latte signifies good  stuff.  When Matt is having his evening black french pressed coffee I can have my amazing Latte and to top it off I get a little excuse to close my eyes to the supper dishes and the crumbs under the table and the last three loads of  laundry that need folded.  It's our little quiet time.  Although it's frustrating how easily it becomes a loud hullabaloo with three boys who are full of energy and want Dad's attention as bad as I! .

All for their mom....that's the only reason they're standing there so nicely.

 A review of our last two months.  People keep asking about Keagan.  You remember we had him tested for celiac and one test came back positive?  Remember his tummy issues were not getting better?  Finally during a week where Matt was busy busy pushing snow, things came to a head.  Keagan and I spent a night up with bad digestion issues and we thought it was just this whole celiac game.....we were living in fear and unknown....trying our hardest to get this right and it was spiraling and the worst of it was that I was scared and emotionally messed up.  The next day we took him to our clinic in town and they saw how it was and got us in to see the GI doc in Omaha.  The very next DAY! :)  Originally they had us set to go their Feb 25.    Feb 25 was a long way in the distance for a sick skinny boy and a confused tired scared mom.  And so we were glad.  We went in with him the next day and those doctors knew remarkably much more than our small town family doctor.  And here our first blood work from here was not current nor accurate.   They were not alarmed by our events and three doctors poked and prodded him and talked extensively with us and ordered fresh blood work.  They simplified things for us and explained how they were going to use the process of elimination....  So the blood work eliminated celiac and a host of other easy things.  But it did show that he was just getting over a virus of some sort!  Weird!  We didn't think he had had a virus!  Anyhow, to get to the point.  They said it was simply constipation!  We felt like we were set free!  I felt dumb.  Like why couldn't I have figured that out without spending all that energy and emotions ???    Of course I console myself wit the fact that this had been going on since he was two.  And we still don't have the answer as to why he is so super sensitive with his stomach....other than he has had two food poisoning episodes in his young life?    So anyhow, so we have him on Maralax and we will wean him off of that as the doctors tell us to do.    AND here's the interesting thing.  A week later Mathias started with that same virus that Keagan must have had.  And it lasted a whole week.  (I was glad he's still in diapers! )  :)
       But I learned a lot.  I learned that God knows our times.  And He saw how Miss Amy was striving and pushing and crying and tired!  And He brought about this virus so that we could get Keagan in sooner.  And then He quietly nudged my brain with light bulb revelations!  One of them was that I was living in FEAR.  Fear is an amazing thing.  I have been able to identify things as fears in my life easily before.  And thought I had learned those lessons.  And then along came this.  Did you know one can feed their fears?  I was feeding my fears with research.  Researching for answers for him but actually I was ending up feeding my fears and after awhile I felt like their was a big bad monster out there to get me and all of us.  Grocery stores were just a evil monster with lots of fake plastic food that was slowly killing us.  Anyhow, fears.  That's all it is/was. I know there are a lot of sick foods with all kinds of junk in them available at the stores.  And I know there are a lot of GMO arguments and a lot of it makes sense.  But we are also just people saved by grace.  Over the whole picture we don't need to be looking for a devil behind every bush but living out God's kingdom here until our redemption comes.  Big picture.....I have to remember the eternal picture.

    So now people ask how he's doing.  Amazing!  He's doing amazing!  At his doctor appointment he had slipped down to 35 lbs.  The doctors said to feed him and get his weight back up.  But we didn't know how to....everything was not staying in and he gagged on everything and was having acid reflux.  So we tried to let him eat everything and it was working kind of but still up a lot at night and some puking.  Finally when we got his system unplugged with the Maralax it all kind of just left.  Now he only complains about his tummy if he's not pooping right.  Ya, that was gross.  Sorry.  But he weighs 40 lbs!  And he's happy (and naughty) and eating like a pig!  It was a hard two months but we learned a lot and life always look brighter after a time of refinement.    (He's the middle guy making funny faces in the above picture....always the monkey with the dimple and funny accent.)

Keagan's been begging to do s'mores in the evenings....

It was a hot hot fire!  We are having a lot of fun with this wood stove! 

 Over all we've been able to get through February.  And seeing pictures and remembering helps. Even IF it's not an easy month.
   I've been very frustrated with my life.  And I've had strict talks with myself about how to not be frustrated. I'm not very easily taught I guess.  I came to realize one thing that frustrates me the most is my incapability to get it all done!  I want my house all clean every night before I go to bed.  I want the laundry put in drawers in perfect stacks.  I want the basement swept once a week.  I want to be thin.  I want to enjoy the evenings with the family rather than tying up the the loose ends, like dishes and floors and laundry.  I keep thinking I can do this.  Somehow, I can manage my days so that I can DO this!  But then I don't DO this and I fall in bed at night upset cuz I didn't get it done.  And I get mad like a immature bratty little girl because "someone" could've figure out how to help me get this accomplished.    So then I resort to my strict talks with myself again.  But basically I think this is how it works.  I've chosen to marry the one I did and I chose and prayed to have these three boys.  And I choose every day to make them meals and do their laundry and clean their living quarters.....because this is life I've chosen and I love.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.  The part that frustrates me is that it feels as though I'm in a blizzard and I've been shoveling for 8 years and the drifts are getting a little too deep and heavy anymore!  And so in my strict talks to myself I've been resolving to not hit certain drifts right now.....it's not my time of life for them.  By the time I get to some of them they will have melted away anyhow.  So priorities are the key here.  So if I want to have time for a book now and then I have to be okay with what doesn't get done.
       Another thing that God has repeatingly showed us is that homeschooling is where it's at.  I never wanted to be a home school mom.  And it's a battle in my mind and heart of surrendering  that one over and over.  BUT since I do home school and that is one of my priorties  every day, rather than kick it, I need to love it and do it right.  Heart and Soul and Mind.  And then when the rest of it doesn't happen around here I need to remember that God knows my times.  Hopefully the drifts start to melt before too long.   February tends to be the hardest month of the year.  Did I say that already!?

When this last snow was to come I watched and waited and got my little giggle out of watching the prep for snow removal.  It was clear blue sky and beautiful out there!  And they got the snow mobile ready and anyhow.....Where's the snow?

They had all the trucks lined up so nice.  They were READY!  It was really gonna snow!  Oh Nebraska, you are so emotionally unstable in February!  (It did snow.  Just not 12 inches...)  

The next morning after it snowed!  It was beautiful!   It felt sacred.  

The boys got to have a lot of fun with the two sleds....  

 Driving off into the sunset....
Notice that beautiful bin there!  Our landscaping is amazing at times! :)

Other fun things has been playing trains.  We were quite pleased with this design.  

Dear Precious was so impressed with how long a string of toilet paper he was able to pull around the house!  

This was my latest little joy project.  We needed an entry table by our front door.  Evie sent me the candle holder.....the plate is an antique from Grandpa B's auction....the words are a 75 cent sticker from Walmart.....the little cream pitcher holds some york mints for guests right now.....the flowers were dried clearance at Walmart.  So that was cheap fun!  

And now it's TIME to get something DONE....or else be okay with it not getting done because I CHOSE to do this.