Mother's Day

In tribute to my moms:   

    Do you see the wisdom and experience in those eyes like I do.  I think mothers have the most beautiful souls!  I thank God for my moms!

My mom.  

Matt's Mom. 

Mothers Day is not a holiday I have ever enjoyed as a mom. I actually dread it.  I wonder if I got that from my mom?  I don't know.   BEING a mom is amazing though.  Here's a few reasons I love it...

I love my kids snuggled up on all sides engrossed in our story. 

I love that joy spot in my heart that gets filled when I'm snuggling them in my arms. 

I love the stolen squeezes from my fat little boy. 

I love those times when all of our world is right there in my lap.  How'd that little baby get to be 18 months already ?! 

Ah!  That was the sweet times of baby stage. 

I love doing things like making ice cream with my kids.  

I love taking just ONE with me and getting ice cream with him on a hot day in summer. 

I Love those soft baby hands on my neck.  She's still doing that  when she's falling asleep on my lap. 

I love watching my kids interact with their grandparents too. 

And sometimes I love a break  with something special to drink just because it takes a lot of energy to love and cry and laugh with these four  precious and amazing kids of mine!

It was six years ago right now that my third pregnancy ended at only 8 weeks.   I  imagine that baby was a girl sometimes and I think about what all Keagan and her would be getting into.  A Boy 7 and a girl 6!  Or if it was a boy...two boys 6 & 7!   God has it all figured out why we would have had secondary infertility and then a miracle baby in Keagan and then a miscarriage.  I doubt I will ever know. But I look back at that roller coaster ride and  wonder.  I mostly wonder ....did I learn anything?   I think I did.  One thing I KNOW for certain is that God is there.  He is in those difficult times.  And when we are on our faces seeking God and crying out to Him he is there.  Just hold on and  be still.  And then one day I noticed that the sun was still shining!  Time heals.  That thought still seems harsh to me though, because I didn't want to every forget that baby ever.  But time didn't make me forget.  It made me heal though.  Kind of a strange thing.


Being mom is hard work .  I always think guiltily at night when I'm falling asleep about the times I got impatient or  talked harshly or was not sympathetic to their pain.  I'm not a softy by nature. But these boys of mine have made me into more of one.  Today we lost a helium balloon to the great blue sky.  The balloon itself wouldn't have been a big deal but tied to the string was Keagan's cowboy hat ring!  That is the ring that goes around the hat for decoration.   It was a cheap little goldish band.  He has lost more than one balloon like that.  For some reason he doesn't learn and the loss is so deep in his heart!  He cries deep deep gut wrenching tears when this happens.  I always wonder if it's because he's watching it go and go and go..... out of reach and nothing to do about it and he doesn't KNOW where it ended up, or what happens to it.  And he involves himself so deeply in things that are the least bit scientifically cool....like helium.    This  mom got in the car with the whole gang of us and drove quite a few miles in search of the balloon.   He was praying fiercely and silently that we would find it.  I prayed for the sake of him.  I still wish God would have miraculously landed that thing somewhere for us.  A resounding "yes, I hear you and I care for small things" answer would have been sweet.  But we didn't find it and there was a no to our prayer.  So we came home and ate lunch and tucked in for naps.  Mathias can't sleep for crying silent tears for Keagan's loss.  He's thinking how he could let Keagan have his hat ring and we have two helium balloons we could put strings on.  He finally fell asleep now.  I think both of them will be stronger emotionally after naps!  I love their softness of heart ......It's not always that way you know!


So a  Happy Mother's Day to all you mother's out there!  It's an amazing time of life.  It's a hard time of life.  It's a tired time of life.  But the joys of it are so strong because of the the tears and  the hard things.  I think only a mom knows the swirling feelings of insufficiency and tired ness and JOY and LOVE  of motherhood.  It's God awesome good.  Thank you God!