Life in Nebraska ....

I'm in my tabernacle/Church/ place of worship/ sanctuary.  Turns out that I can "tell the world" I am an extrovert and I love people.  But actually no it's not completely accurate. Lately I find I can't worship well in the corporal worship service.  God keeps showing me that I must retreat away to this quiet place.   You can ask me how I find this out.  I don't mind.      It's because I have a special needs daughter and for all these years I worked so very very hard to get involved and get her help and do the next right thing.  I surrendered my idea and thought for the "good of the community".  I helped where I could.  I enjoyed it.  I do love my people. That's still a fact.      But this thing we carry in our family is something that we find is our own to carry.  It's lonely.  And being out and busy and dutiful and involved hasn't gained us answers or clarity.      ...

Of  late I lay in bed at night sleepless with some sort of running dialogue between God and I.      It's been usually something along the lines of, " Alright God, I choose to give you first dibs.  But do something! "          The thing I'm asking is no hardship for God.  Because he is all knowing and all powerful and all the divine. But how will I know if He's going to do it? Of course He can do it.  He's got the ability.  But with his all knowing eye WILL he?       So two things show up over and over in this go round in my head:  1, Can I trust Him? DO I trust God?  And 2, Hannah in the Bible.     I am a Hannah. I go over this prayer for Jeanie's healing over and over with words and mostly without words. And  Hannah did not stop asking  so shall I not stop asking .         I find myself humanly thinking that I will in some way move the ha...

I read a liturgy this morning.   A phrase or two: O Christ who stood with Peter in his boat  And said, "Launch out into the deep."  Now come on board with me  That I too may launch out into the deep And know I always float upon the surface of your mystery.  Now as I sail, sail with me,  With me in calm and storm, And even as Your waters lift my boat,  Lift and sustain me. And another one.... Help me to remember that I live in both the Now and the Not Yet.  And a Bible verse: Show me Thy path.   So you see, I have been praying wrongly.  It isn't about God showing me My path.   It's God showing me HIS path.   It's not about my clarity. It's about God's clarity.  I am living in the now.   And now looks just pretty dark. But the Not Yet is around the corner  And looking at Jesus while I'm sailing this boat of life, Shows me HIS path.   It's not my path or my responsibility to blaze ...

https://open.spotify.com/track/0hFbM5TjRxWwPh8xIAYW38?si=zjODqNVMQduT0YCHdrSPXQ If that link works you should go listen to this song.   It soothes the soul.  Exactly what I need.  I've been listening to it for over a year.   When the noise gets to loud and the pain gets too strong.    Whem Matt built the greenhouse he was thinking about practical things....like growing food.  Somehow it has turned into a place to rest and relax the shoulders and turtle.   I believe everyone should have a place to rest.   How I'm so privileged to have this space is truly a unforeseen gift.  How God made things so beautiful - right down at the core of a plant, to the whole plant-  mystifies.      I wonder, does God design us like plants?  Deep inside are we that intricate and beautiful? And does the whole person show up as beautiful as that intricate inner being?   ...

I didn't actually want a diagnosis.  Jeanie has been a whole sunshine her whole life.  At age 10 she began to have seizures.  At age 3 she wasn't talking clearly. At age 6 she could barely write or color. At age 12 she still can't read or do numbers.   She's very literal.  Making a joke doesn't come out right.  Getting a pun is normal for her.  Walking a smooth straight line and jogging an even jog aren't in her repertory.   But making it fun and repressing the negative are things she's picked up and can do better than you.   If you think you do life scared, be her for a day.  She thinks it's normal to spill something and break something and not be able to thread a small bead. She thinks it's normal for the letters to blink out on the page and not be able to remember the sounds of the letter combination.   She knows she can't tie her shoe or work a buckle.  But she isn't embarrassed to ask for he...

          This is my Gluten Free food in proudly took to the kids Christmas program.   Lucky I did.  That place was packed with so many people from round about and it almost all got eaten because the other food was gone.    .         The group is getting smaller but those boys did such an amazing good job! And Jeanie did amazing what with needing so much help to memorize!  .      And here we have our current 15 year old boy.  I have discovered that around 14 and15 years old teen boys grow extensions on their ears and the world passes in a daze for them.  They also inhale huge amounts of iced coffee and cheezits.    Theyre amazing in every way.   We moms are even more amazing.        I'm just putting this picture here because I love a quiet morning living room.    ...

 Forgiveness  Forgiveness has bones It has a brain It uses logic  And common sense  Forgiveness goes about Finding a common ground. It shows up in common places. It happens unsuspected. Forgiveness allows one to Name the thing that happened. Forgiveness gives one a way To see it for what it was. Forgiveness provides for the  Empty spaces in conversation  And allows one to listen  And grieve outside of one’s own experience. Forgiveness walks into a situation  And remembers. But walks with peace And knows calmness. Forgiveness has an earpiece  On the heart  And a microphone  At his mouth Saying the words that Forgiveness has given him. Forgiveness doesn’t walk with fear. Forgiveness looks alone. But He’s always always  Hand in hand with gentleness and kindness. Forgiveness can stand alone though. It doesn’t melt away or dissipate  With time. Forgiveness is that little happy wren  On your shoulder  Forgiveness sings...